For the last category of Personal Development Week, I’d like to talk a little bit about happiness.
The first thing I have to say is that if you take some of the steps (or at least the intentions) mentioned in this week’s previous posts (Goals and Discipline, Success, Wealth, and Health), you’ll be well on your way to finding sustainable happiness – happiness that isn’t just tied to small individual events, or fleeting emotions, but a happiness that answers the question “Am I happy?” with a resounding yes.
Happiness is a State of Being
It is important to note that happiness is a state of being. You don’t feel happy – you live it, breathe it, be it. And it is something you can control. Though emotions are irrational, and you can go from happy to sad to angry in minutes, the general feeling of happiness can be sustained. When it comes right down to it, happiness is a choice.
The funny thing is that before I started performing improv, I had this stigmatism against overly positive people as “hippies” or “free spirits” who were basically just weird. But in improv, there’s really no such thing as a mistake because of the fundamental improv rule: Yes, And.
The Power of Yes And
The idea behind Yes, And is that you don’t negate offers or “gifts” (anything that happens in the environment), that you accept what is given and build on it. Life as a whole can be treated in a similar way.
People sometimes ask me if I’m happy with some of the life-decisions I made (where I went to college, what my degree was, what job I took after graduating), and my answer for all of the above is yes.
In fact my answer would be yes for every life question you could ask me:
- Are you happy you went to Princeton High School? Yes.
- Are you happy you were an RA/RM for three of your four years at college? Yes.
- Are you glad you dated someone for 3 1/2 years even though it didn’t work out? Yes.
When you consider that, I either: a) am an amazing decision maker and always choose the right thing, or b) I tend to make the best of any given situation and grow from there. Though I do have complete faith in my decision-making abilities, when it comes to why I’m happy right now, I’m gonna have to go with B.
What I Don’t Mean
Now I’m not saying that terrible things don’t happen, or that you have to be happy 100% of the time. I’m also not saying that you just have to accept what life hands you and never work to change it, or even that you always have to say “Yes.”
I’m merely saying that once you make a decision, or once something happens, accept it as what happened. There’s not much sense in dwelling in the past for any longer than it takes you to learn from the experience to make a different (not necessarily “better” which is such a subjective word) decision next time.
… and the Pursuit of Happiness
There has always been a large number of research and books geared towards finding happiness. There are different viewpoints all offering up tips (whether it’s the new “The Secret” book, Covey’s 7 Habits, or plain-old religion).
And none of the viewpoints is necessarily “wrong,” it’s just that some of them aren’t for you.
If a belief in a “master plan” created by some supernatural being helps you survive life and be happy, then good for you. If, instead, the “Law of Attraction” seems to make sense to you and has shown you some good resuts, the keep using it.
Regardless of what your belief is, as long as it’s making you happy and not harming others, who cares what it is – I don’t. I just care about being happy.
Does It Matter Who is Right?
You see it doesn’t matter that there are multiple, often conflicting, views on life, happiness and our existence in general. Just because some of these theories contradict, doesn’t mean they can’t co-exist.
One of my main problems with various religions is the idea that there can only be one “right” belief and that if you aren’t following that belief your S.O.L. If we were to consider the example of God creating each of us in his “kitchen,” how could He expect to get everyone to align with the same “gospel truth” (for Christians – Jesus) when everything else about us is different and unique to our circumstances.
What does it matter that your “savior” came down by rocket ship or from a virin? As long as you are using that belief as a boost to your overall happiness, then it doesn’t matter.
And some people might think that this is too naive of a view on life, that things couldn’t really be that simple. While that may in all actuality be true, I DON’T CARE, because it’s a belief that I have found that works for me.
The key is for you to explore your own feelings and beliefs. Once you’ve identified your beliefs, and fundamentally your purpose, you can start to build towards your end goal – which of course will lead to happiness.
