https://drewtarvin.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/best-tweets-2013.png 360 1024 drew tarvin https://drewtarvin.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/andrewtarvin-header.png drew tarvin2013-12-31 12:11:092016-01-10 19:14:57My Best Tweets of 2013
Ignoring retweets and direct messages, I tweeted 323 times in 2013. 99% of those tweets were puns. Here are my 20 favorites from the last year:
- Composers are unsung heroes of music.
- I bet Ford Mustangs get stolen a lot. It makes sense for a muscle car to get jacked.
- In highschool I was like butter on bread because I was honor roll.
- When deciding between a life of poetry or a life of crime, you have to weigh the prose versus the cons.
- Yo momma so FAT her max file size is 4gb.
- I got kidnapped because I was too lazy to try to get away. If only I had ran some.
- If I perfected cloning, I would be beside myself.
- I overcharged a man for a fishing rod that I claimed was magic. He bought it hook, line, and sinker.
- “Does this abacus work?” “I wouldn’t count on it.”
- I’m so hip, old people break me.
- Age before beauty, alphabetically speaking.
- I can’t believe I didn’t win that essay contest; I’m at a loss for words.
- I can’t stand when my legs fall asleep.
- Do you buy used prosthetics from a second hand store?
- A girl called me at 3am last night, drunk, wanting to go look for treasure. Just another booty call.
- Sure worldwide is impressive, but what about worldlong?
- “Whatever, you’re not my real ladder!” -What I say whenever I use my step-ladder.
- “We should become pathological liars.” “Let’s not and say we did.” “That’s the spirit!”
- I’d like to cancel my trip to this restaurant but I have my reservations.
- I thought I could sit on a bench. Some guy told me I couldn’t. I stood, corrected.
Want to read new puns as they come out? Follow me on twitter.