I was a busy tweeter in 2017 with 641 tweets, 150,000+ impressions, 810 likes, and 170 retweets, here are my top tweets of 2017:
1. 10 Marks the Spot
Converting the numbers 51, 6, and 500 to Roman Numerals makes me LIVID.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) February 12, 2017
2. Purchasing Decisions
Should we split the cost of this oven? Yes, let's go Dutch. And this jump rope? Yes, let's go Double Dutch.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) October 26, 2017
3. Restaurant Idea
I bet a cozy bar that served figs would be a plum date spot.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) March 13, 2017
4. Furniture Pride
Whenever I make something from Ikea, I feel like an Amish Tony Stark.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) January 4, 2017
5. The Stylus is Mightier than the Sword
You know that knowledge is power because looking things up on your phone drains the battery.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 11, 2017
6. Either Or Both
I'm trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal so I made a list of pros and cons.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) February 15, 2017
7. Grade Failure
It feels wrong to get an A+ in math given that it's only half of an equation.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 9, 2017
8. The Menu is Comical
I hear Marvel is going to open a deli where the only options will be soup or gyros.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 20, 2017
9. The Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatch
According to established laws, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson would beat Edward Scissorhands in a fight, but would lose to a newspaper boy.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 22, 2017
10. Tool Time Warnings
"Attention everyone, a nail gun is on the loose. This is not a drill, I repeat, a nail gun is on the loose, not a drill."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 20, 2017
11. Roman Numeral Joke II
All of those in favor of writing in the first person say, "I."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) August 11, 2017
12. Inverted Sense of Humor
It doesn't matter whether you're an Introvert or Extrovert, the important thing to remember is that we're all, apparently, verts.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) March 23, 2017
13. Just a Thought
Origami is just paper doing yoga.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 23, 2017
14. The Future is Bright
I went to an event to listen to experts talk about getting renewable energy from the sun. It was a solar panel.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 13, 2017
15. English Should Be Better
If you really think about it, it should be called deja deja vu.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 25, 2017
16. What to Order
At a Buddhist fast food place, the Happy Meal comes from within.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) June 26, 2017
17. Puppies and Babies
Most people are against animal testing but I know a lot of people who have gotten dogs just to see if they can handle having kids.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 7, 2017
18. Gotta Get FitBit
But I would walk 5,000 steps, and I would walk 5,000 more, just to be the man who walked 10,000 steps to reach my daily goal.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) July 20, 2017
19. A Difference in Perspectives
"For the last time Drew: we're coworkers who write emails to each other, not pen pals."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 3, 2017
20. Game is Fake, Results are Real
Escape the Rooms are really fun ways to determine which of your friends you would have no problem sacrificing.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 24, 2017
