2014 was a slow year for me Twitter-wise, with only 123 tweets (down from 323 tweets last year). On a positive note, Twitter now shares more statistics, so I know those 123 tweets led to 25,535 impressions, 59 retweets, and 70 favorites.
Here are my top 20 tweets from 2014:
Life is about perspective. They aren't math problems, they are math opportunities.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) June 2, 2014
Now Hiring Spiritual Counselor. Inquire within.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) August 24, 2014
What's the name of that song by Natalie and Nat King Cole?
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) January 3, 2014
Most meetings take place in bored rooms.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) June 24, 2014
If you think about it, a "baby sitter" is the last thing you would want around your child.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) June 29, 2014
"Sure I'm friends with a data analyst but I wouldn't datum."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) January 26, 2014
I saw a gorgeous woman holding a tazer. She was stunning.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) March 30, 2014
Did you alphabetize your files? Sorta.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) March 4, 2014
The difference between a fort and a fortress is that a castle marries one and cheats with the other.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 20, 2014
I bet the worst part about being Cryogenically Frozen is having to listen to Let It Go the whole time.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 6, 2014
The problem with electronic cigarettes is that they're full of tar.gz
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) April 11, 2014
Strongmen competitions and math geeks both use natural logs to test their limits.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 13, 2014
A friend of mine refuses to take the subway. He says they are beneath him.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) September 7, 2014
I went to an exhibit about tornadoes. I was blown away.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 23, 2014
My friend is embarrassed because he broke his mirror in a fit of rage. He can't look himself in the face.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 8, 2014
I rooted for the San Francisco 49ers and now they're just the San Francisco 7s.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) June 5, 2014
I gave up on the pretense of breakfast and just ate cookies this morning.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 11, 2014
A consistently drunk programmer is a functioning alcoholic.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 15, 2014
Whenever I read "heat seeking missile" I don't think of a weapon but a personal ad for a lonely temperature.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) July 17, 2014
If you have an imaginary friend, you're weird. If you have an imaginary number, you have an entire branch of mathematics.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) October 4, 2014
Of course if you want these nuggets of wisdom puns in real-time, follow me on twitter @drewtarvin.
