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As a kid, I dreamed of growing up to become an international hip hop superstar… It never really panned out, but that didn’t stop me from writing raps.

When writing The United States of Laughter, I found the opportunity (or excuse) to finally lay down some rhymes. This is the result…

The lyrics:

Verse 1
So you think you’re all cool, cuz u studied English,
Well I’m tired of stereotypes, so I’m about to extinguish,
Any wrong notions, you had about a man of the math
But listen up close, no repeats, like simple paths.

Screw your fancy words, and use of synonyms,
I’m the top of the curve, you an absolute minimum.
You’re goin downhill, like a negative slope,
But I keep getting closer, to the genius asymptote.

Keep goin parallel, and don’t cross that line
Your life is trigged out, and you need a cosin
Any hope you might have, is merely newfangled
Turn 180 degrees, like inside a triangle.

Chorus
I go 1 1 2, in the Fibonacci sequence,
Misbehave in class, cause juvenile delinquents.
Keep messin’ around, you’ll face the denominator
Fractions so cold, they in a refrigerator.
So accept your fate, don’t try to be a hero,
Cuz you just can’t do it, like dividin by zero.

Verse 2
Life is a numbers game, and it all adds up,
I’ll divide you so bad, you wish you had a pre-nup,
Cuz you about to get, subtracted from the situation,
Like simple math, you’ll need an operation.

No matter what you say, we are not equals,
Cuz I’ll always be there and you’ll b to the sequel.
Like an arrow pointin’ right, I’m greater than you
A smooth operator, I’m g-r-4-times-2.

Are you frightened now? I know I’m scary
But unlike the little i, I aint imaginary.
I’m in my prime, like the number seven,
And 7 8 9, so now 9’s in heaven.

Chorus
I go 1 1 2, in the Fibonacci sequence,
Misbehave in class, cause juvenile delinquents.
Keep messin’ around, you’ll face the denominator
Fractions so cold, they in a refrigerator.
So accept your fate, don’t try to be a hero,
Cuz you just can’t do it, like dividin by zero.

Verse 3
My rhymes is calculated, its true I won’t lie,
But merckin you fools, is as easy Pi.
Three point one four, one five nine,
No decimal repeats, cuz I’m one of a kind.

My thoughts are integral, count 1 2 and 3
You’re approachin zero, my limits approach infinity.
So say your prayers, “in God we trust,”
Cuz you gonna get derived, like calculus

But I’ve made my point, just like a decimal,
Youre just too small, you’re infinitesimal.
Now I hope you understand, after hearin my wrath
There aint nothin left, except this aftermath.

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To celebrate my new book, The United States of Laughter, I decided to do a literal book launch. We attached my book to a pumpkin and then shot it out of a catapult. Shout out to Team ETHOS for helping me with the launch!

Buy the book on Amazon in Print, Kindle, or Audiobook!

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If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to take a selfie with it, does it really matter? In today’s society, the answer seems to be no. So I decided to take a selfie in each of the 50 states and compile them together in this video.

If you want to check out the individual pictures, you can see them here on Flickr.

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