2015 was another down year for Twitter for me with only 114 tweets (compared to 123 last year and 323 the year before). Overall it led to 61,452 impressions, 135 retweets, and 221 likes (aka the new favorites).
Here are my Top 20 Tweets of 2015:
Efficiency should be a one syllable word.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) May 13, 2015
Uber should have an "Introversion" scale so the driver knows whether he should talk to you or just drive, enjoying the sounds of silence.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) October 2, 2015
Then God said "Let us make Sonic & Tails in our image so that they may collect the Chaos Emeralds and become Super Sonic." Sega Genesis 1:26
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) October 25, 2015
Lady in front of me at the store wrote 2014 on her check. Come on, we are 6 months into 2015, why are you still using checks?
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) June 30, 2015
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
Because Google said it would save 7 minutes.— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 6, 2015
Should I stop making horse puns? I say, "neigh."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 12, 2015
Friends who aren't flakes are Head & Shoulders above the rest.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 6, 2015
Sometimes I write a text, forget to send it, forget that I forgot to send it, and then get mad at the person for not responding to it.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 14, 2015
Went for a run. For extra motivation, I pretended a bear was chasing me. The hardest part was pushing people down so they'd get eaten first.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) August 27, 2015
Sometimes success is like finding a parking spot in NYC: you worry the only reason you found it is because you're wrong about it being OK.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 17, 2015
Sometimes success is like finding a parking spot in NYC: you worry the only reason you found it is because you're wrong about it being OK.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 17, 2015
The fact that the word palindrome is not a palindrome is poop, which is a palindrome.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) October 31, 2015
We engineers don't tend to be too romantic: "If loving you is wrong… well then we should stop because that's the sensible thing to do."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 13, 2015
We engineers don't tend to be too romantic: "If loving you is wrong… well then we should stop because that's the sensible thing to do."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 13, 2015
Because of emoticons, my phone is now capable of expressing more emotion than I am.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 15, 2015
Edison said "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." Therefore Richard Simmons is a genius.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) October 1, 2015
Son: "Hey, dad, I think I'm a beach."
Dad: "Are you shore?"— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) August 23, 2015
I honestly don't remember what it was like to wait in line without having a cellphone. What did people do, just stare at their hands?
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) December 11, 2015
Parents who give their kids a bad name are giving parents a bad name.
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) September 20, 2015
"Say hike one more time and I'll snap." -frustrated center who's still willing to do his job
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 8, 2015
"Iceberg, dead ahead." -a lettuce detective on CSI: Farm Country
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) August 11, 2015
"Thanks for calling Drew Tarvin, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I remember my voicemail passcode."
— drewtarvin (@drewtarvin) November 17, 2015
