I’ve had a fair number of visitors in my apartment, all staying varying lengths of time. I figure in order to make sure everyone’s on the same page, why not create a Roommate Agreement / Guest Policy for people to be able to follow:
I. Drew is always right, especially when it comes to things regarding his apartment or how to get to it.
II. If you are staying less than 4 days, then “Make yourself at home” means you are a visitor and are welcome to food and beverages you with no monetary contribution. If you are staying longer than 4 days, then “Make yourself at home” means you are a roommate and are welcome to food and beverages, but be ready to contribute.
III. Visitors are entitled to one “I’ll come down and get you” when you are in the lobby. After that, you can make your way to the apartment all by yourself.
IV. Women can always elect to be escorted to the subway. Drew, however, will not ride the subway with you all the way back to your place just to make sure you made it safe. That would be sexist.
V. When there are multiple visitors at one time, the futon, twin air mattress, single air mattress, couch and recliner are all on a “first dibsed, first served basis.” Drew’s bed is not “dibsable” and he is not required to share it with anyone.
VI. Try not to break any of the dishes. Also the dishwasher is generally just used for drying, so clean the dishes before placing them in the dishwasher. With soap.
VII. Use coasters and dinner mats. Clean up any messes.
VIII. Ask before using one of Drew’s computers. They are like his babies. You wouldn’t play with someone’s baby without asking first would you?
IX. Walking or running the 30 flights of stairs to the apartment makes you a certified guest in the apartment. Until then, you are merely a visitor.
X. Sometimes due to scheduling, or Drew’s sanity, you may be kindly asked to leave. This is not Drew “kicking you out,” but rather a “Thanks for coming by, but …”
